Fat Shaming Pulling You Down? Self-Love Is The Only Panacea

I had been wanting to write on the topic of fat-shaming for some time now. A dear friend had also asked that I do. But I was struggling to translate my thoughts and feelings about the issue into words. Then I came across an article about the TV actor Avika Gor’s recent weight loss and her social media post about it.

To some extent, her post resonated with me. I too have transformed my body by losing a lot of weight. And then I have gone one step ahead (or backward?). I have gained the weight back. I am now back to the maximum weight I had put on last time.

Avika described in her post how she disliked the way she looked with all the weight. How it gave rise to insecurities and negativity. That’s the part of her post I immediately related to. I too used to loathe seeing myself in the mirror before I had lost weight. And I am now at that stage again.

The other day I was showing my blog to my mother. She remarked, “Why are you using such an old picture of yours for your profile?” “I don’t have a recent one where I don’t look fat”, was my answer to her.

A running joke between me and some of my friends is that they can ask me for anything except a picture of mine. I usually explain myself to them as not being camera-friendly. But the truth is different. I don’t like clicking my pictures because they act as mirrors. They give me a reason to judge and dislike my looks and my body.

‘Hard’ Facts About Fat Shaming

Avika wrote how she used to judge herself before others could fat-shame her. That’s the other part of her post that hit home. You need not be constantly fat-shamed by other people for the shame to affect you. Once fat-shamed is always fat-shamed. Because when you allow the shame to affect you once, you can find reminders of the shame all around. TV, cinema, magazines, social media- they all project only one ideal body type. They reinforce the shame in this way or another. The shame floats around in the air surrounding us. It becomes so deeply entrenched in your bones that you feel it without even being reminded of it. And you feel it irrespective of exactly how far you are on the fat scale from the ideal mark.

Also, ‘fat’ perhaps represents the body-image stereotype which is the hardest to fight. One can fight the stereotypes about dark skin and short stature. But it’s difficult to argue in favour of being fat. Because fat isn’t only unattractive. It is also usually unhealthy.

In fact, this combination of negatives gives fat a special, higher status among all health hazards. We do not shame people as much for smoking, do we? Though I doubt that fat is scientifically more dangerous than smoking.

I do believe that one must strive to lose weight to gain health. Our bodies are precious. And unlike Avika, I don’t find lifestyle disorders like PCOD or thyroid imbalance reason enough to excuse oneself from making efforts towards better health. It is very much within one’s power to control these conditions. I managed to control my PCOD once.

But then I lost that control again.

The Vicious Cycle Of Fat And Shame

How did I manage to gain all that weight back?

When I gained even a little more weight than what looked ‘ideal’ on my body, I didn’t know how not to be ashamed of myself. And that shame didn’t help me. Yes, contrary to what some may think, shaming does not motivate a fat person to get to the gym the next day. No, fat-shaming has no noble purpose. It is simply schadenfreude. It pulls most of us down. Some, even to the depths of ‘depression’. For really unlucky people, depression tends to trigger eating disorders too. Like ‘binge-eating’ or ‘mood-eating’. Food becomes a misguided comfort mechanism of the mind against depression. Depression being that sad state of mind where you do not even feel like doing things you once loved. Like dancing or listening to music. Leave alone exercising your body. And so the kilograms pile on.

Most ironically, exercising is one of the things that may get you out of the depression. As well as out of those oversized clothes. And so more shame on you for ‘not helping yourself and not taking control of your life when you can’.

It is a vicious, vicious cycle of shame and fat.

So Lose Weight To Break The Cycle Of Shame And Fat?

I feel happy for Avika that she finds herself in a good place now. She is perhaps healthier than earlier. She writes that she feels beautiful, is peaceful, and loves herself. But I want to also tell her that she would do better to not condition her love for self upon how much she weighs, or how she looks. Losing weight is no ticket to salvation. If it was, my insecurities would also have been lost with my weight the first time around.

A disciplined lifestyle did change my body and make me feel good about it. But it did not fill up the void in my heart and mind. I have since realized that besides working out, I also needed to work on my vulnerability to shame. And give myself the assurance I lack, instead of looking to anyone else for validation. Talk to myself the way I would talk to a friend in this situation. Show myself reasons to love me. Wear clothes, shoes, and makeup that make me feel beautiful at any size.

Maybe once I do learn to love myself unconditionally, I will update my profile picture with pride. Till then, bear with some dishonesty, will you?